My Story (or at least some of it)

I am a daughter, sister, wife, mother and friend. Above all of this I am a true believer and follower of Jesus Christ.

Although, it didn't always used to be this way.

When I was younger I was wreckless and rebellious. I was a deliquent and did many, many things I was not supposed to do. I was very manipulative and had many different faces. I drank and did drugs and witnessed many different things a young person should never have to see. I did believe in God but truly thought He had given up on me and therefore I did not like or respect Him.

Little did I know He had a plan for me.

One day, while drinking myself silly on my balcony with some friends, I heard an inner voice ask me "What the hell are you doing? You deserve so much better than this!" (I believe in treatment they call that a moment of clarity. ) Of course it didn't stop me from drinking that night but it did start a chain reaction of events that lead me to where I am today.

I did check myself into treatment not long after that event and I have been sober every since. That was on March 3, 2000.

Since that time I have graduated from college with a B.S. in Geography specializing in cultures. I have found the love of my life, Jeff, and we got married on May 27, 2006. Very soon after that we got pregnant (surprise!) and we had Gracie on March 17, 2007. We moved to SC in June of 2007 and we had our son, Donovan, on February 10, 2010.

I have been blessed in so many ways. I have the love of a good man, 2 beautiful children, the support and love of a wonderful family and amazing friendships that have lasted through good and bad. I know that God has a purpose for my life and I am so grateful that He has given me a second chance at living.

Tuesday, October 5, 2010

Jesus Loves Me

I have been thinking lately that I can be very judgmental. Yes, its true! It is a characteristic about me that I really don't like. I am either quick to judge certain people and I am quick to think they are judging me. Or this could be how I justify judging people.
But as I have been working on this and participating in discussions, such as our small group at church, it is becoming more and more clear that Jesus loves me and you the same. Regardless of our flaws, defects, hurts, hang ups, habits and brokenness. He loves us for exactly the way that we are.
Now, having said that, that doesn't mean it is an excuse or reason to be judgmental. This is the part I am focusing on right now. It simply means that Jesus loves us and wants us to seek Him for His help in overcoming our defects. Through Christ, all things are possible. Even overcoming difficult character defects.
I am focusing on judgment right now cause it seems to be the one thing that keeps coming up. I have realized that sometimes I am not even aware I am being judgmental until after the fact. Because sometimes it can come across as teasing or even joking.
Now it's one thing to be picking on yourself a little bit but its a completely different story all together when you are doing it about someone you may not even know and/or without their knowledge. And it's sad that this is the easiest form of judging and the person can't even defend themselves because they may not even be aware it is happening.
I used to be paranoid about people judging me. I seriously thought that when I walked by and I saw people whispering or laughing that they were talking and laughing about me. Selfish thinking, maybe and with time I have overcome that fear. I also know now that I had that fear because that's exactly what I did to other people. So I just naturally assumed they were doing that to me.
So, now I am a little more aware of my thoughts and actions. I do ask for forgiveness when a thought creeps in and I immediately look for something in the person that is positive. Even if it just the color they are wearing looks great on them. And I try to focus on that.
Anyway, so pray for progress. Because that's all we are anyway....a work in progress!
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2 comments:

  1. JessicaOctober 5, 2010 at 2:33 PM

    Beautiful, Jillian! I think this is something we all deal with, to some extent, and I applaud your boldness in being honest about it. It's hard to look that closely at yourself and see something like that.

    ReplyDelete
  2. UnknownOctober 8, 2010 at 4:38 PM

    Thanks girl! I really appreciate the feedback!

    ReplyDelete

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