The 31 Year Old Toddler

That's pretty much what I feel like right now. A big baby.

Lately I have been talking to God about the direction I should take with my life. I really feel like I have no idea what I am supposed to be doing with my life. So I have been asking God questions and pursuing different avenues I could go down. All of which I am getting told to sit still and wait. I am right where I am supposed to be at this moment in time. I know this means God is working on his big plan and I should just sit still and wait my turn.

But I don't want too :(

And that's why I feel like a big baby. I feel like I am a toddler and God is just trying to get me to sit still while I keep running around and getting distracted with other things. (and I have a small glimpse on how God feels because I experience that daily with my kids.)

So that's pretty much where I am at. I am going to do His will because I know that is what is best. I usually just screw things up if I do it my way. But that doesn't mean I have to like it right now.

But I know it will all work out perfectly in the end if I just listen and do what I am told.

Conditional Christian

This is a topic that has been buzzing around in my mind for the past week. I am not quite sure where the term came from or why it even popped into my head.

According to Webster's Dictionary:

Conditional means "Containing or depending on a condition or conditions; made with limitations; not absolute; made or granted on certain terms. A conditional promise is one which is to be performed, when something else stipulated is done or has taken place."

Christian means "A real disciple of Christ; one who believes in the truth of the Christian religion, and studies to follow the example, and obey the precepts, of Christ; a believer in Christ who is characterized by real piety."

Just looking at these definitions it seems like these 2 words should not even go together. To truly be a Christian there should be no conditions or limitations to your faith and love for God. He did not put conditions on us when He sent his only son to die for our sins.

But I know as humans we have a tendency to put conditions on just about anything, including our beliefs.

I would have to say I am guilty of this too. I find myself not always have faith things will turn out and worrying about situations that are not under my control. That's just like saying I trust God but not really over this one situation (for whatever reason). Worry is actually a form of not trusting God. So basically this is just like putting conditions on my relationship with God.

I also find myself not giving Him glory and praise as much as I should. In a way that's kind of like taking credit for the good things and situations in my life; giving all the glory to myself or other things. Not acknowledging something is ignoring it.

These are just examples and I really could go on.

In Celebrate Recovery and in AA there are steps to take to help work through the issues and situations in your life. Steps that help you overcome obstacles. The first step is admitting there is a problem and that my life is unmanageable.

So I guess God planted this term in my mind and heart to get me started on a new journey. I see how I have been putting conditions on my Christian faith and even though my life is not unmanageable as of yet, without putting Christ at the center of my life and under every circumstance, I recognize how my life would be complete chaos and totally unmanageable.