I have never met Casting Crowns but some how they wrote a song about my past.
I was running 100mph in the wrong direction and doing things I should not have been doing. I felt like I was screaming for help most of the time but no one heard me.
When I finally did speak up and get some help the last thing I really wanted were 'church goers' talking to me. I felt like they knew nothing about me and what I have been through.
In the past when I did open up to people in the church, I immediately was judged and looked down upon. So how would this be any different.
It took going to AA to find Jesus and bring him back into my heart. A group of drunks showed me that I wasn't alone and I didn't need to be afraid anymore. They gave me the tools to lead a better life, a life with Jesus Christ.
I continued to stay away from church for quite sometime. I still thought they wouldn't understand. How could they? Church people never seemed to have any problems and just delighted talking about people behind their back.
When Jeff and I moved here in 2007 I met someone who was going to a church in Augusta called Quest. Something inside me said 'just go and see. If its not for you at least you can said you tried.'
So Jeff and I went. And what we found was so different from our 'idea' of church.
What I saw at Quest were real people. People that were open and seemed a little more truthful. And when I shared a little bit about my past, they hugged me and welcomed me in. I didn't feel shut out or ignored. I felt loved. I felt like they were genuinely happy to have me there.
It may have taken me years of recovery to finally be able to see what true church is all about. It's just proof God knows what he's doing when it comes to my life. And I am so gratitude he placed people (and continues to place people) in my path that bring me closer to him.