My Story (or at least some of it)

I am a daughter, sister, wife, mother and friend. Above all of this I am a true believer and follower of Jesus Christ.

Although, it didn't always used to be this way.

When I was younger I was wreckless and rebellious. I was a deliquent and did many, many things I was not supposed to do. I was very manipulative and had many different faces. I drank and did drugs and witnessed many different things a young person should never have to see. I did believe in God but truly thought He had given up on me and therefore I did not like or respect Him.

Little did I know He had a plan for me.

One day, while drinking myself silly on my balcony with some friends, I heard an inner voice ask me "What the hell are you doing? You deserve so much better than this!" (I believe in treatment they call that a moment of clarity. ) Of course it didn't stop me from drinking that night but it did start a chain reaction of events that lead me to where I am today.

I did check myself into treatment not long after that event and I have been sober every since. That was on March 3, 2000.

Since that time I have graduated from college with a B.S. in Geography specializing in cultures. I have found the love of my life, Jeff, and we got married on May 27, 2006. Very soon after that we got pregnant (surprise!) and we had Gracie on March 17, 2007. We moved to SC in June of 2007 and we had our son, Donovan, on February 10, 2010.

I have been blessed in so many ways. I have the love of a good man, 2 beautiful children, the support and love of a wonderful family and amazing friendships that have lasted through good and bad. I know that God has a purpose for my life and I am so grateful that He has given me a second chance at living.

Thursday, February 28, 2013


People have asked me why I go to Belize on missions. There's so much that needs to be done here at home, why go all the way down there? And why would you keep going?
The truth...I don't know the reason. What I do know is there's a place, in my heart that only God can reach and speak to. A place where I can hear Him and have a converstaion about my feelings and my purpose. He doesn't give me all the answers but He helps me understand the things I do need to know presently. He has called me to serve abroad. Trust me, I have had the conversation of serving here at home. He has assured me that, when the time comes, I will be needed here but the things I am doing here (like Celebrate Recovery) are enough for now and my service is needed in Belize. When I have asked why, He has just asked me to trust Him. And I do.
Both times I have been to Belize, He has shown me the reason for each trip. He doesn't give away any information about future trips, just the trip He wants me to prepare for.
And I am so glad I didn't choose to ignore Him, which can be so easy to do. And I have several excuses: too much $, leaving my kids, interference with school (which is another area I was told, by Him, to pursue so I could be equipped to serve in the future), potential risks to my health, etc. But when those thoughts come up, He patiently reminds me how He's always been there, right by my side, protecting me and loving me with every step I take.

So my answer is I go because I am being an obedient daughter and servant to our Father, the King.

Some may not udnerstand that but it is the only answer I have right now. My hope and prayer is that if you feel a calling to go....wherever it might be and whatever fears you might have...please go. You might get resistance from others but He does reward those who listen and seek Him out through the calling and purpose He has for each of us.
I am so thankful and blessed to be able to say that I not only have an amazing network of family and friends that support me and love me here in the states, but I also have extended family in Belize.

Friday, December 14, 2012


     There are so many things that happen in this world that we can not explain.  We don't know why bad things happen to good people or why bad people seem to get good things handed to them.  These are phenomenons that can't be explained.

     When I heard about the shooting at the school in Connecticut today, I was deeply saddened.  It tore up my heart and mind at how cruel and unusual this world can be.  I think it especially hit home because I have a daughter who is in Kindergarten.  It is unbearable to think of what these parents, families, and friends are going through.  Not just for the children, but for the staff and the family the killer left behind.  The victims are not the only ones suffering.  Adam Lanza's family is probably humiliated and heart broken at their loved one doing such a horrific act and then taking his own life.  My heart and prayers go out to them as well.

     I have seen several posts today from people claiming that they 'hope this young man burns in hell for eternity'.  'Hell is where this young man belongs.' What was so troubling is I know these people (at least some of them) claim to be Christians.

     I believe God will judge him and his acts for He is the only one who has the right to judge.  For me to hope and pray that this man should be condemned for all eternity is not my place.  The bible states in
Matthew 7:2, "For in the same way you judge others, you will be judged, and with the measure you use, it will be measured to you."

    There have also been mentions of, "Where is God?"  "If God is so great, He could have stopped this?" And so on.
    From what I understand, God is not a knight in shining armor.  He is not a genie in a bottle.  He is not going to ride in on His horse and save the day every time something bad happens.  We can't just rub a lamp and He will appear and grant us serenity and good tidings.
    Bad, horrible, terrible things are going to happen.  Our faith and beliefs will be tested constantly.  That does not mean He is not there with us.  That does not mean that He doesn't love us.  Does He have to the power to stop all this madness and chaos?  Absolutely!
    But why would He?  Why would He stop all the harmful things when we don't even give him credit for the amazing miracles that are witnessed and good things  seen daily?  We, as a society, seem to delight in taking credit for things and events that are good and meaningful, not realizing those things would not even happen without the help of God.
    Why would He come flying in and save the day when we push Him out of our lives so easily when we think we don't need Him?  And then we have the nerve to beg Him for help when things get crazy, just to push Him away again when things calm back down.  You can't tell someone they aren't wanted and then wonder why they don't appear to be around when you need them.  Life doesn't work that way and I don't believe God does either.
    But what I do know is that He is faithful and loving and He will never leave us.  Even in these moments of doubt and despair, He is there us.  He is patient and strong.  He has overcome the world and He can help us overcome this hurt.
     I also know that He does not waste a hurt.  There is a purpose and reason for everything, even the terrible events like today.

     It is real easy to blame someone.  To blame God for not saving the day and stopping this act. Adam Lanza for taking the lives of many innocent people. His parents for not getting him the help he so desperately needed. The healthcare system for not providing the right kind of help and care he needed.  The government for not making healthcare and counseling possible for a person such as Adam.  The school officials for not having their doors locked during school hours.  But focusing on the negative will only make the pain worse and last longer.  Focusing on Him and what we need to take and learn from this tragedy will help us move forward.

     God- I know there are things in this world we don't understand.  I think things happen and it makes us angry and frustrated and doubtful.  The hurt and pain can be so great and make us bend to the point we feel we will snap into two.  The town in Connecticut and the many people associated with it are grieving tonight.  So many lives were taken today in a way that no human should have to experience.  Please be with the families of all those affected by this tragedy.  Please bring comfort, peace, patience, and understanding (if it is possible for us to understand).  I pray that those people killed today, young and older, all knew of you and I hope that this event does not cause anyone to turn away from you.  I pray that the angels from your kingdom brought the victims home today and that they are rejoicing in meeting you, My heavenly Father and brother Jesus, for their pain and suffering is over.  I know we will all meet again when it is time for the rest of us to come home too.  And dear God I thank you for the time you have given me with my earthly family.  For I know it is short and precious and so easily taken for granted.  I am not deserving, yet you give so freely.  Thank you.  I love you and believe in your will, even when I don't understand it.  Amen.

Sunday, June 24, 2012

Spiritual Warfare

Do you ever just feel like you might be under attack?  Like there is something working against you?  Nothing seems to be going your way?  No matter how hard you try there are evil forces that seem one step ahead of you?

I have noticed and witnessed to some mischievous,  hurtful behaviors and painful situations happening lately, not just in my life but in the lives of the people around me. 
Many of which are heart breaking and sad.  It very much seems like there is an attack on us and the people around us.  This much pain and destruction does not just happen naturally.  It is provoked.  I personally feel it is the evil one trying to stir things up.  He wants us to fall and loose faith in God.  This is his job and purpose.
I have been thinking about this lately.  About why would all this craziness and hard times be happening to us.  I know there has to be suffering in the world.  I know there is a reason for everything that happens and I firmly believe God sees us through it all.  Even when we inflict it upon ourselves, He's there watching us and trying to guide us back to the light.  I also feel that if you are doing His will and following His purpose, that just makes Satan even more mad.  When we follow His will, we show up on Satan's radar.  All of a sudden, you are a threat.  And Satan's purpose and goal is to steer you away from the kingdom and make you loose faith.
I was reading a book about this not that long ago and it used the imagery of  Satan in a board meeting with his demons.  It talked about imaging Satan in the morning with his demons having a meeting about the upcoming events and their daily plan.  The book asked if during the meeting when your name was mentioned, what would Satan's reaction be?  Would he say, "Don't worry about this one.  He/She is doing enough damage on their own."  Or would he say, "This is the one we need to pay attention too.  We are losing the battle with this one and we need to step up our game with them."  I thought that was a really interesting and it really made me think.  Does Satan view me as a threat?
I think this is what is happening here.  I think Satan is threatened by some of the activities and level of faith going on in my life and the lives of family and friends around me.  I know I am following down the path that God has chosen for me.  I know what I am doing right now is trying to accomplish my purpose here on earth so that I can perform my purpose in heaven one day.  (Yes, we will have a purpose in heaven)  And because I am on the path He has chosen for me, I have become a threat.  The friends and family around me has become a threat.  Therefore, the attack is more intentional and fierce.
Now, the one thing I have noticed that is different from earlier attacks for me is I am turning to God more.  I am not detouring like before (even though I sometimes want to).  I am staying the course and talking to God every step of the way.  I am in constant communication with Him about this plan and about the others around me.  My faith seems to be getting stronger, not weaker.  I know Satan knows me.  I know he knows my weaknesses.  I know he knows what worked in the past and he will probably try to use it against me.  But I don't think he is factoring in the relationship I have with God now.  My relationship with God is much stronger than it was before.  And it is becoming stronger.
I am very excited about my future here are earth and my future when I get to finally go home.  I know I am viewed as a threat by the evil one but that just means I am doing what I am supposed to be doing.  I also know that he will be defeated.  He may keep trying to remind me of my past and I know what is coming in his future!

Monday, March 12, 2012


I know what you are thinking.  "Don't say it too loud!  God might hear you!"
This is something I struggle with from time to time.  I am doing better in some areas when it comes to patience and other areas I am really stumbling.  I do tend to get an instant gratification attitude when it comes to some things and some people.  I want things done the way I want them done and I want you to do it now!  (Sound familiar?)
God didn't say patience was going to be easy but He does show me it is mandatory.  I have to learn patience in order to see the true beauty of something and to receive the knowledge and wisdom I am supposed to receive out of any situation.  Through patience comes understanding.
Many times I feel it would just be easy to get things done my way and I could probably do it faster.  So move over God, I got this.  I'm in control!  And oh how quickly I mess everything up!
And then I have the nerve to turn to God and say, "Here you go!  You clean it up cause I can't do it!"  Just like a child says to the parent.
I must hear this from Grace at least once a day when it is time to clean up the toys.  "The mess is too big mommy!" I tell her, "I didn't make the mess, but I will help you clean it up because I love you.  And that's what we do when we love someone....we help each other."
I think this is what God says to us.  "I didn't make the mess but I will help you clean it up because I love you."
I am so glad God doesn't lose patience with me.  Every time I mess up, He's there to help me clean up.  He loves me in spite of me and my character defects.  He is helping me work on my patience by giving me opportunities to do so.  He is giving me strength to help see me through the times I want to step in and take over.  And He reminds me by being patient there will be much bigger and greater blessings than I could have ever hoped for.
But all I have to patient.

Monday, February 13, 2012

Truly, crazy love

I hear the question asked, "If you saw Jesus on the side of the road- hungry and cold, would you help him?  Would you give him food?  A blanket?  Offer him shelter?"

My answer to this question is OF COURSE!  Its Jesus!  He can have all the food I have.  Take all my blankets and coats.  Here's the keys to my house and car!  What else can I do for you Father?

I always thought this question was a little ridiculous.

Until I got to thinking about it.  We are supposed to love our neighbors as Jesus loves us.  We should give freely unto others as Jesus has given freely unto us.  If I see someone suffering and I have plenty, it is my responsibility to share my wealth among others.  By doing this I am in turn giving to Jesus.

So why is it so hard to give to other people?  I mean sure, if I saw Jesus and I had no doubt it was the Almighty Father...I would have no problem.  Take everything!  But if I see a man, suffering, hungry, cold...why is it so hard not to share with him?  In fact, sometimes its easier to turn away!  Why is this?

Jesus has a truly, crazy kind of a love for us.  He died so that we may live.  We sin and he forgives us and continues to love us in spite of us.  His love strong, runs deep and is faithful.  He does not give up on us and he does not waver.  All he says in return is to love Him with all our heart, mind and soul and to love our neighbors as ourselves.  Treat others as he treat us; as we would want others to treat us.

I desperately want to love like that!  I want to love and see people as Jesus looks at us.  If we could all love one another, be there for one another and do for one another what we can't do for ourselves, there would be peace.  It is simply that simple.

So I pray that we all seek this kind of love!  To be truly, crazy in love with Jesus and to be in love with our neighbors.  Isn't that what heaven is going to be like?  Surrounded by love?  I would like to think so!

Thursday, December 15, 2011

Happy Holidays?

So the season is upon us and just like every year its got me thinking.  This is the time of year hwere holids and traditions are shared my namy.  Some celebrate Christmas (we fall into that category).  Some celebrate Hanukah and others celebrate Kwanzaa. And then there are those that choose not to celebrate at all.
My thing is why say Happy Holidays?  I know it's just generic and this way we don't offend someone but why not say the greeting for holiday or tradition?  I would not be any way offended if someone told me 'Happy Hanukah' or 'Happy Kwanzaa'.  I would take it as a blessing and be appreciative.  It's the same of someone telling you 'have a great day'.  Its a form of a blessing.

Please don't misunderstand me.  I don't get offended when someone tells me 'Happy Holidays'.  But my response to them is 'Merry Christmas'. 

It just seems people are really looking for things to complain about more and more these days.  Like they want a unifom type society where we all believe the same, dress the same, talk the same....etc.  Its like we all want control.
The truth is we were no created to be the same.  no matter whoe your Higher Power may be (or if you even choose to believe in one) its pretty obvious we are all defferent.  As such we should celebrate that!
So I say please share your beliefs and traditions by saying your celebrations blessing to everyone.  This is what makes us all so special.  All esle fails just wish someone a dreat day.  Putting smiles on faces and spreading love is waht is important. 
So from our family to yours, Merry Christams and many blessings to ya'll this season and in the New Year!

Friday, November 25, 2011


I love this holiday!  It is such a great time to get with family and friends and just enjoy being together.  Thanksgiving is right in the middle of the season of fall so the leaves are beautiful colors and filling up the ground.  People gather around a table for a feast and talk about how thankful we all are for the people and things we have on our lives.  But this time of year always leaves me with a question and a prayer.
First the question.  Why does Thanksgiving get overlooked?  It seems like right after Halloween (or in some cases Halloween hasn't even past yet) and Christmas decorations are already going up.  Not even in just department stores but homes as well.  People start making plans for 'black friday' shopping and figuring out who and where will have the best deals for gifts.  Radio stations start playing Christmas music and venues start promoting Christmas specials.  I really feel like Thanksgiving gets that shaft and it just doesn't seem fair.  This is such a great holiday about blessings and gratitude.
Which leads me into my prayer.  My prayer is that everyone not only celebrates Thanksgiving for the great holiday and tradition it is for this country this time of year but all year long.  We shouldn't just be thankful once a year.  Gratitude should be seen and shown all the time.  Gratitude is an action word and doesn't only exist at the end of November.  So I hope everyone continues to be thankful for not just the blessings in our lives but the blessings yet to come.

Just a little side note: I applaud Nordstroms for not putting up Christmas decorations before Thanksgiving.  They sent out a statement right after Halloween stating they prefer to celebrate each holiday individually.  I know they received a lot of scorn from customers over this decision but I completely agree with them!  Thank you Nordstorms for setting a standard!