Books and Patience

I, for the longest time, was not a reader. I didn't like to read. In fact, most of the time when I read a book it made me feel dumb and slow. My mind would always wonder and the books could not keep my attention.

As an adult I have come to enjoy reading a little bit more. Probably because I get to pick what I want to read now. The problem I have now is the time to read. But I am learning to manage my time for me a little bit better.

I just finished (today in fact) a book my cousin gave to me called 'Redeeming Love' by Francis Rivers. This is an amazing book. It is a christian/inspirational love story about a girl who overcomes her horrid past and how God's love and grace can truly be forgiving. The book is based off of the story of Hosea and Gomer in the bible.

When I first started reading this book I really didn't want to go any further than the prologue. It was very depressing and sad to read about this little girl and all the pain she was going through. I contacted my cousin and asked why on earth she would give me such a horrible book. She told me to just keep reading and I did. And I am so glad I did.

I can relate so much to this woman in the book. Granted my childhood was no where near the tragedy of hers but many things that happened to her has also happened to me. So I completely understand her emotions and anger and her desire to keep them tucked away inside.

The ending of the book, however, is what really hit home with me today.

If you have been reading my blog you know that I have been trying to realize what I am supposed to be doing with my life. Which direction should I take.

At the end of the book this woman is based with the same problem. Not knowing where to go, she finally turns to God. (Which my previous blog explains how I just did the same thing.) And then she was patient and waited for an answer. And God presented the opportunity.

"Be still and know that I am God." Psalm 46:10

I don't know why but it just hit me after reading this book. I swear it was like he whispered that in my ear right when I closed the book.

So I made the decision to give into Him and be patient. (Oh my mother would be thrilled!) I realize there are probably many things that have to fall into places in order for God to present me my opportunity. And just like everything else, those things take time.

So thank you to my sweet cousin for passing this book along to me. You knew more than I how much I needed it!

Decisions

I have been having some trouble lately making up my mind on what I really want to do with my life. The problem is there are so many things I would love to do and that I really enjoy doing. Jeff and I have been bouncing ideas off of each other now for about a year. I still have not come to a decision.

Yesterday I took the step in finally asking God what I am supposed to be doing with my life. Which direction am I supposed to go in? I asked him if he could even politely smack me in the face with it so I would know what He wants. Yep, I asked God to smack me in the face!

They one definite thing I know for sure is I want to help people. I have always enjoyed serving and giving to others. I am just not sure how I am supposed to help people.

So, I don't think he has answered me yet. He is still trying to get me to be patient and I have been resistant. So I would imagine He will continue His teachings before He gives me an answer. That's all right with me. Let His will be done!

Jesus Loves Me

I have been thinking lately that I can be very judgmental. Yes, its true! It is a characteristic about me that I really don't like. I am either quick to judge certain people and I am quick to think they are judging me. Or this could be how I justify judging people.

But as I have been working on this and participating in discussions, such as our small group at church, it is becoming more and more clear that Jesus loves me and you the same. Regardless of our flaws, defects, hurts, hang ups, habits and brokenness. He loves us for exactly the way that we are.

Now, having said that, that doesn't mean it is an excuse or reason to be judgmental. This is the part I am focusing on right now. It simply means that Jesus loves us and wants us to seek Him for His help in overcoming our defects. Through Christ, all things are possible. Even overcoming difficult character defects.

I am focusing on judgment right now cause it seems to be the one thing that keeps coming up. I have realized that sometimes I am not even aware I am being judgmental until after the fact. Because sometimes it can come across as teasing or even joking.

Now it's one thing to be picking on yourself a little bit but its a completely different story all together when you are doing it about someone you may not even know and/or without their knowledge. And it's sad that this is the easiest form of judging and the person can't even defend themselves because they may not even be aware it is happening.

I used to be paranoid about people judging me. I seriously thought that when I walked by and I saw people whispering or laughing that they were talking and laughing about me. Selfish thinking, maybe and with time I have overcome that fear. I also know now that I had that fear because that's exactly what I did to other people. So I just naturally assumed they were doing that to me.

So, now I am a little more aware of my thoughts and actions. I do ask for forgiveness when a thought creeps in and I immediately look for something in the person that is positive. Even if it just the color they are wearing looks great on them. And I try to focus on that.

Anyway, so pray for progress. Because that's all we are anyway....a work in progress!