My Story (or at least some of it)

I am a daughter, sister, wife, mother and friend. Above all of this I am a true believer and follower of Jesus Christ.

Although, it didn't always used to be this way.

When I was younger I was wreckless and rebellious. I was a deliquent and did many, many things I was not supposed to do. I was very manipulative and had many different faces. I drank and did drugs and witnessed many different things a young person should never have to see. I did believe in God but truly thought He had given up on me and therefore I did not like or respect Him.

Little did I know He had a plan for me.

One day, while drinking myself silly on my balcony with some friends, I heard an inner voice ask me "What the hell are you doing? You deserve so much better than this!" (I believe in treatment they call that a moment of clarity. ) Of course it didn't stop me from drinking that night but it did start a chain reaction of events that lead me to where I am today.

I did check myself into treatment not long after that event and I have been sober every since. That was on March 3, 2000.

Since that time I have graduated from college with a B.S. in Geography specializing in cultures. I have found the love of my life, Jeff, and we got married on May 27, 2006. Very soon after that we got pregnant (surprise!) and we had Gracie on March 17, 2007. We moved to SC in June of 2007 and we had our son, Donovan, on February 10, 2010.

I have been blessed in so many ways. I have the love of a good man, 2 beautiful children, the support and love of a wonderful family and amazing friendships that have lasted through good and bad. I know that God has a purpose for my life and I am so grateful that He has given me a second chance at living.

Friday, December 14, 2012


     There are so many things that happen in this world that we can not explain.  We don't know why bad things happen to good people or why bad people seem to get good things handed to them.  These are phenomenons that can't be explained.

     When I heard about the shooting at the school in Connecticut today, I was deeply saddened.  It tore up my heart and mind at how cruel and unusual this world can be.  I think it especially hit home because I have a daughter who is in Kindergarten.  It is unbearable to think of what these parents, families, and friends are going through.  Not just for the children, but for the staff and the family the killer left behind.  The victims are not the only ones suffering.  Adam Lanza's family is probably humiliated and heart broken at their loved one doing such a horrific act and then taking his own life.  My heart and prayers go out to them as well.

     I have seen several posts today from people claiming that they 'hope this young man burns in hell for eternity'.  'Hell is where this young man belongs.' What was so troubling is I know these people (at least some of them) claim to be Christians.

     I believe God will judge him and his acts for He is the only one who has the right to judge.  For me to hope and pray that this man should be condemned for all eternity is not my place.  The bible states in
Matthew 7:2, "For in the same way you judge others, you will be judged, and with the measure you use, it will be measured to you."

    There have also been mentions of, "Where is God?"  "If God is so great, He could have stopped this?" And so on.
    From what I understand, God is not a knight in shining armor.  He is not a genie in a bottle.  He is not going to ride in on His horse and save the day every time something bad happens.  We can't just rub a lamp and He will appear and grant us serenity and good tidings.
    Bad, horrible, terrible things are going to happen.  Our faith and beliefs will be tested constantly.  That does not mean He is not there with us.  That does not mean that He doesn't love us.  Does He have to the power to stop all this madness and chaos?  Absolutely!
    But why would He?  Why would He stop all the harmful things when we don't even give him credit for the amazing miracles that are witnessed and good things  seen daily?  We, as a society, seem to delight in taking credit for things and events that are good and meaningful, not realizing those things would not even happen without the help of God.
    Why would He come flying in and save the day when we push Him out of our lives so easily when we think we don't need Him?  And then we have the nerve to beg Him for help when things get crazy, just to push Him away again when things calm back down.  You can't tell someone they aren't wanted and then wonder why they don't appear to be around when you need them.  Life doesn't work that way and I don't believe God does either.
    But what I do know is that He is faithful and loving and He will never leave us.  Even in these moments of doubt and despair, He is there us.  He is patient and strong.  He has overcome the world and He can help us overcome this hurt.
     I also know that He does not waste a hurt.  There is a purpose and reason for everything, even the terrible events like today.

     It is real easy to blame someone.  To blame God for not saving the day and stopping this act. Adam Lanza for taking the lives of many innocent people. His parents for not getting him the help he so desperately needed. The healthcare system for not providing the right kind of help and care he needed.  The government for not making healthcare and counseling possible for a person such as Adam.  The school officials for not having their doors locked during school hours.  But focusing on the negative will only make the pain worse and last longer.  Focusing on Him and what we need to take and learn from this tragedy will help us move forward.

     God- I know there are things in this world we don't understand.  I think things happen and it makes us angry and frustrated and doubtful.  The hurt and pain can be so great and make us bend to the point we feel we will snap into two.  The town in Connecticut and the many people associated with it are grieving tonight.  So many lives were taken today in a way that no human should have to experience.  Please be with the families of all those affected by this tragedy.  Please bring comfort, peace, patience, and understanding (if it is possible for us to understand).  I pray that those people killed today, young and older, all knew of you and I hope that this event does not cause anyone to turn away from you.  I pray that the angels from your kingdom brought the victims home today and that they are rejoicing in meeting you, My heavenly Father and brother Jesus, for their pain and suffering is over.  I know we will all meet again when it is time for the rest of us to come home too.  And dear God I thank you for the time you have given me with my earthly family.  For I know it is short and precious and so easily taken for granted.  I am not deserving, yet you give so freely.  Thank you.  I love you and believe in your will, even when I don't understand it.  Amen.

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