The answer: I don't know. I don't know what my purpose for being here is. I don't know God's great plan for me. I don't know what all I am going to have to do to fulfill my purpose. I don't know what it's going to cost me.
I do know a little bit about who I am today. I am a wife and a mother of 2 beautiful children and I know God has given me that role to fill. He has trusted me with these lives; to care for and to watch over while I am here. I know there is a reason I went through the past that I did and I can only hope my past will allow me to do good with others. I know that God has gifted me with some many talents and abilities; although I don't believe I have discovered all of them yet.
I really feel right now that my life is kind of at a stand still. There are many paths to choose from and some of which I really want to take. Others I feel like I am going to be forced to take even though I don't want to do them. And yet I am not sure which way to go. I have all these dreams and goals I wish to accomplish but I don't know if that is what I am supposed to be doing with my life.
A part of me also feels like my life is not my own. I feel like I am so consumed with others around me and with their needs and schedules that somehow I am getting lost in the mix. And when I do try to take some time for me, I feel as if I am being selfish. And I know that is a horrible way to feel and that I do deserve some "me" time.
I think just overall I just really feel like I don't know where I am going. I know Jesus Christ is my Lord and Savior and He will show me the way. I know I need to be patient and open to His plan for me. But I have to admit, while I am being patient, I am starting to feel a little bit alone.
This is going to sound very strange but I kind of feel like Woody from Toy Story 2. (Probably because Gracie has been watching it alot). There is a part in the beginning of the movie when Woody's arm is ripped and Andy's mom places Woody up on the shelf. He is placed there so that he can be mended later.
When the other toys try to talk to him, Woody just curls up and shuts them out. Probably thinking that the other toys won't understand what he is feeling and going through.
That's really how I kind of feel. I am broken and torn. God has placed me on a shelf and will tend to me in His time. Even though that's how it should be, I still feel like I am alone and that others won't understand. (Either that or I need to lay off the Disney movies for a while).
So here I am, up on my shelf and waiting for God to use me as He sees fit. I will continue to go through the motions of my day and keep my heart and mind open to Him. And if I am anything like Woody, not only will I be saved but I will get the opportunity to help save others!